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Wearing Your Mask

“Repent therefore, and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out. . .” ~ Acts 3:19

It has been an interesting year, but we have made it to the Fall and soon to transition into Winter. Along with the turning of the seasons, this time of year comes with its own excitements and joys, among which is the one that children love and adore: Halloween. Now, this is not going to be another article about the Christian perspective of celebrating Halloween or not, digging into the origins of the holiday and all that stuff. I will leave that to someone else.


However, there is one aspect of Halloween that I do feel compelled to speak on. It is a part of Halloween that both children and adults seem to enjoy and bask in this time of year, which is dressing up in costumes. There is just something about dressing up and pretending to be someone else that people enjoy. There is a unique joy that comes from the fantasy of being someone else. We can get all dressed up, and for a short time play at being a hero or someone of importance, or we can pretend to be something dark, mysterious, and exciting. I think one of the reasons why the costume aspect of Halloween appeals to so many people, is because we live in a culture that seems to foster jealousy and shame.

The problem of comparing ourselves to others seems to run rampant in our culture. We spend so much time looking at other people’s lives and feeling sorry for ourselves that our life is not as good as theirs. Of course, one of the problems with this is that we only see a small portion of their life. We have a tendency to compare our lives to a glorified fantasy version of someone else’s life that we have built up in our minds but fails to compare to reality. Why is it that we spend so much of our mental energy creating an image of a perfect life in our minds, knowing full well that we will never be able to live up to the expectations?

Perhaps one of the reasons is because we have developed a very unhealthy relationship with shame. Now, before I press on any further, it is important for me to point out that I have chosen my words very carefully on this topic, because there is a very important difference between shame and guilt. Understanding this difference, or rather a lack of understanding, is one of the reasons why we have such a unhealthy relationship with guilt and shame, often getting the two confused or falsely believing that the two are the same thing.

So, lets begin with our understanding of guilt. Guilt is an emotional response that comes when we violate our moral compass, when we do something wrong, or when we make a mistake of some kind resulting in negative repercussions. Guilt is a good thing. We may not like it when we feel guilty, but the ability to experience guilt and to allow it to motivate us towards change and growth is a powerful tool for healing. Throughout scripture, people are called to “repent and turn away from sin,” just like in Acts 3:19. Guilt helps us know when we have gone astray, and we need to make a change in our lives.


Now, there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is a healthy response to when we do something wrong, it is right for us to feel bad, and we have the opportunity the turn our lives around towards healing. Guilt is not permanent, and it does not define who we are as a person. Shame, on the other hand, is extremely unhealthy. Guilt happens when you feel bad about your actions while shame happens when you feel bad about who you are as a person. Guilt causes a person to want to make amends and reform while shame makes a person frustrated and humiliated. Guilt generates remorse, which tends to drive someone to not repeat the same action to avoid further guilt. The problem with shame is that the foundational premise of shame is that a person is intrinsically devalued, leaving no room to move towards healing or change. This tends to leave a person feeling frustrated, seeing no practical means to move towards healing or restoration, which can result is lashing out in ways that foster more shame.

Now, if we understand the difference between guilt and shame, we can live our lives in healthy and productive ways. The problem we are seeing today is a fundamental misunderstanding of these two emotions. Our culture, at some point in time, seemed to develop the idea that any emotions that make us feel bad must be negative. Guilt and shame became lumped in together as the same thing, and the effort to avoid the emotional damage and pain caused by shame resulted in a concerted effort to avoid guilt as well. However, guilt is a part of life. So, what do you do? The only way to effectively remove guilt from our lives is to remove any kind of moral standard to be violated or broken. If you eliminate the use for a moral compass with moral and ethical relativism, you eliminate guilt.


Now, we find ourselves in a culture where being reminded of any type of moral standard seems to offend everyone, and people throw around the accusation of “shaming” when they are actually talking about guilt. People are upset when they look at someone who is more “successful” or “prosperous,” almost with an expectation that they are supposed to feel guilty about their success because it causes us to feel ashamed of ourselves.

I know that it might seem like I am making a commentary on modern politics, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, people who know me well, know just how unpolitical I tend to be. This is all about the unhealthy expectations we tend to build up in our minds. We look at the world around us and we think, “If only the world was just so,” or “If only I had more of this or that,” then all will be right with the world, and I can feel good about myself.


The problem is that we do not control the world; only God has such power. We can influence the world in as much as we have control over our own actions and lives, but ultimate sovereignty belongs to God and God alone. When I feel guilty about a mistake I have made, it is not the world or society that needs to change, but it is me that needs to repent, turn away from my sin, and turn toward the ways of God. By deflecting those feelings of shame upon the world, people are allowed to feel better about themselves, but then they eventually feel even more shame because the world we live in is “a world of our own making.” Shame has a tendency to drive all kinds of bad decisions and perspectives.

People enjoy dressing up, wearing costumes, pretending to be someone else, because it allows them to feel free from shame, and it gives them the freedom to be anyone they want without any effort or burden of responsibility to achieve. But life is far more complicated.

There is no such thing as a guilt-free life, and we are better for it. I urge you to not allow guilt to be twisted into shame and bitterness, but to allow guilt to guide you towards a life of healing and freedom. After all, is this not the ultimate gift given to us through Jesus Christ. Through Jesus, we have the freedom to repent from our sin and to find healing and reconciliation through the grace and mercy of the cross. Jesus did not come to burden us with shame, because the magnificence of God’s forgiveness through Jesus Christ shows our intrinsic value; we are truly treasured and valued by God. What more could we want from life?

So, as we enjoy the fun and joy of Halloween, let me give you this single admonishment: don’t run from who you are, but allow yourself to be honest about your mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings, and allow guilt to move you towards healing and reconciliation, but allow any feelings of shame to be washed away in the light of God’s love and forgiveness, like a shadow being exposed to the light of day.



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